People have been messaging me from small towns across America saying how difficult it is to find other open-minded folks in their area.
If you and your partner want to branch out but can’t seem to find people to explore ethical non-monogamy with, one option is to outsource intimacy honestly with a paid professional. I recently worked with a straight married couple with mismatched desires for intimacy. They were really struggling. The wife was open to letting her husband pursue intimacy elsewhere because she wanted to feel less pressure to satisfy him, but she wanted to remain married to him. The husband, too, wanted to remain married to his wife despite their desire mismatch. But he said he was having zero luck on dating websites because “no one” in his conservative town would date a married man.
I introduced them to the idea of outsourcing honestly by hiring a sex worker. At first, the social stigma was uncomfortable for them. But we worked through their concerns, and the man started seeing a sensual massage provider monthly. This turned out to be a win-win for both the husband and the wife. His needs were met, and she was reassured knowing that the risk of complications was low thanks to the professional container. The couples’ relationship quickly improved because they were no longer expecting each other to fulfill all their needs, so they could focus on what they loved about each other. Here are a few examples of professions that allow for some level of safe erotic exploration:
-Sensual massage providers -Sexological bodyworkers -Professional doms/dommes -BDSM therapists -Tantra practitioners -Escorts There is nothing shameful or wrong with paying a professional to hold space for your exploration. In fact, it’s a surefire way to expedite it.