You know that feeling you sometimes get on airplanes (remember those?!) when you suddenly burst into tears watching a cheesy in-fight movie and you’re like, “WTF?? Why am I so emotional?” ✈️
I’ve heard a theory that it’s because air travel is such an extraordinary event that it automatically puts the human nervous system into a reactive, primal state.
Today inside a grocery store, I had that same feeling.
I didn’t see it coming.
I was glancing around the meat section at the other humans around me, all of us donning masks, faces half-exposed, hurriedly shoving packages into our cart when it happened. 🛒
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and a shudder ran through my body.
“What the hell,” I murmured to myself as I blinked away the tears. “Keep it together.”
I made it through check-out and out the door without crying, but as I tossed my loose items into my car trunk (my reusable grocery bags weren’t allowed inside the store) I thought to myself...
Why do I feel like I have to keep it together all the time??
Well, there are two main reasons:
1. I was socialized to take care of others and make sure everyone around me is OK, which means I don’t have permission to impose my complicated emotions on anyone else (The self-sacrificing "Giver" Archetype).
2. I was socialized to believe that success looks like “having it all together,” so to outwardly reveal my messiness by crying in public would be pathetic (The invulnerable "Leader" Archetype).
Does this resonate with anyone else? 🙋🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
If so, I’m here to remind you—it’s OK to not be OK.
Let me repeat that.
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK.
The world is so f***** right now, on so many levels.
You might just let yourself cry in the grocery store.
But better yet...
Teach the people you love how to love you when you’re not OK.
And learn how exactly to love THEM when they’re not OK.
And get closer to them than ever before.
If you're quarantined with a partner, here's a video I made with a real exercise (I mean, it's literally built into the video so you have no excuses not to do it!) that y'all can do to relieve tension. It's all about active listening and loving each other through what's hard:
Join me on Saturday, May 2nd for Adapting Together, a two-hour experiential deep-dive on transforming overwhelm into intimacy by understanding your (and your loved ones’) particular stress responses.
In these difficult times, this couldn't be more important.
Here's what we'll accomplish in Adapting Together:
Unpack the 8 main adaptive strategies for dealing with stress and the 5 Disruptors that cause them.
Identify your loved ones' Adaptive Archetypes and deepen your understanding of their specific stressors and fears.
Design support mechanisms that are hand-tailored to your loved ones' Archetypes.
Practice saying what your loved ones need to hear when they're triggered based on the six "Healing Sentences" for Archetype relief.
Develop strategies to calm your own nervous system when it's in overdrive and identify how loved ones can help you based on your Archetypes.
Practice asking for the specific care and support you need when you're stressed.
Discover the secrets to more connected sex based on your and your partner’s Archetype—especially in quarantine.
We are going to ACTUALLY PRACTICE giving and receiving empathy & support that is hand-tailored for each other during the virtual workshop—so be prepared for interaction and transformation.