Does this sound like you and your partner?
The "Slow Desire" Partner
- You want a slower, more sensual experience in the bedroom than your partner does.
- You frequently feel disconnected from desire and it's a source of frustration for both of you and your partner.
- Your partner is longing for more rough, passionate, kinky or frequent sex and you feel guilty, obligated or ashamed about it. You don't know how to bridge the gap between what they want and what you want.
- You're tired of feeling like your relationship to sexuality is a reaction to what your partner wants.
- You struggle to communicate your wants, needs and boundaries.
The "Strong Desire" Partner
- You are craving a certain kind of sex or frequency of sex that your partner has hesitations or limitations around, and you've been struggling to find compromises.
- You mostly avoid communicating about your desires because you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings or "rock the boat."
- You feel guilty or ashamed about what you want in the bedroom (maybe it seems "too kinky" or you feel "too needy") and you're tired of feeling like there is something wrong with you.
- You don't want resentment to build up, but you just don't know how to bridge the gap between what you want and what your partner is available for.
Meet in the middle with your
If you and your partner want different things in the bedroom, find out how to create a win-win sex life by discovering where your erotic personality types intersect.
"My wife and I had a major break-through when we realized that her Desire Archetype is Sensate. I offered to give her a long, slow, sensual massage and used the Healing Language for her Archetype. It ended up being the first time we had sex in over 6 years! I couldn't believe it."
Imagine what it will feel like when...
...but you don't know how to get there.
"Talking about our sex life is like walking through a minefield."
"I feel ashamed and guilty about what I want."
"I'm not even sure what I want."
"How could we ever heal our sex life? We want such different things."
"Something must be wrong with our relationship. It should be easier than this."
"Your teaching and exercises are more effective, profound and intimate than going to a marriage counselor for 9 months post-marriage and a couple times pre-marriage. My husband and I made serious breakthroughs and see each other in a whole new light. Thank you, Janel. Seriously."
Overcome sexual misalignment with my 3-part framework:
Step 1: Get out of your head.
Do you and your partner know what you really want? Do you struggle to understand each other's cues in bed? Do you sometimes find yourself distracted during sex or suffer from performance anxiety?
Overcome mental blockages around desire:
- Unlearn unrealistic expectations, cultural myths, sexual shame and limiting beliefs that are getting in your way.
- Reconnect to your body for clarity and empowerment around your needs and desires.
- Practice mindful, embodied presence with your partner in a way that opens them up to you (and vice versa).
Step 2: Restore your intimacy.
You've probably noticed that communication and trust issues are hindering your sexual connection. For many couples, a lack of understanding about the emotionality of sex is inhibiting the flow of their desire.
Emotional intelligence is your erotic foundation:
- Discover how you want to feel during sex (your Core Erotic Theme) and co-create erotic experiences that meet your emotional needs.
- Practice empowered communication around your desires without shame—and without your partner feeling pressured.
- Speak your boundaries in a way that maintains a connection with your partner even in your "no."
- Give yourself and your partner permission for imperfection as you explore new ways of intimately relating to each other.
Step 3: Explore win-win eroticism.
You may think desire is just a spectrum from “low” to “high.” But it’s so much more than that! Building a mutually-satisfying intimate life together requires understanding the psychology of your desire. That's why I created the Desire Archetypes™️ to help you design a sex life around both of your erotic needs.
During the third phase of your journey, you will:
- Experience new ways to play together where your Desire Archetypes™️ overlap (even if you have seemingly very different Archetypes).
- Prioritize enlivening new experiences with your partner—from sensual massage to erotic wrestling—without harmful expectations.
- Discover sexual healing (yes, that's a real thing) for both of you.
- Create a road map for maintaining your intimate reconnection.
Meet Your Coach
Hi! I'm Janel, a certified Somatica® Method sex & relationship coach who is obsessed with Relationship Design—the concept that you can design your intimate relationships around your desires instead of suppressing your needs and trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all model of how love and sex are "supposed to" be.
I created the Desire by Design framework because of my own struggles with desire mismatch in relationships.
Sexual compatibility has been an issue in almost every relationship I've ever been in. Sometimes I want more sex or more of a certain kind of sex than my partner does, and sometimes I am the less desirous partner with hesitations or limitations around what my partner wants. As a result, I understand the frustration of both sides.
My goal is to help growth-oriented couples reconnect both physically and emotionally through a clear, step-by-step process and proven body-based, experiential practices. I have seen that, with the right tools, couples with seemingly very different erotic needs can create a win-win sex life. I'm honored to be your guide to designing the intimate connection that you and your partner deserve!
"Janel's tools for talking about our sex life, desires and fears helped us create space and understanding where before there was a wall of frustration and stress that felt completely insurmountable. Feeling relief from the ways we’ve been “stuck” gives us much-needed hope about what's possible for us moving forward."
-Chelsea & Sophie T.
Reclaim your erotic connection so you and your partner can:
- Overcome the stress of feeling like you're not compatible.
- Finally enjoy a win-win physical and emotional connection with each other again.
- Save tens of thousands of dollars on couples therapy when your intimacy issues create bigger problems down the line.
- Improve every aspect of your life, not just your relationship, with your renewed sense of aliveness.