Does this sound like your relationship?
The Slow to Desire Partner
- You want a slower, more sensual experience in the bedroom than your partner does.
- Or, you feel disconnected from desire and you're sick of feeling like there is something wrong with you.
- Your partner is longing for more rough, passionate, kinky or frequent sex and you feel frustrated, guilty, obligated or ashamed about it. You don't know how to bridge the gap between what they want and what you want.
- You're tired of feeling like your relationship to sexuality is a reaction to what your partner wants.
- You struggle to communicate your wants, needs and boundaries.
The Strong Desire Partner
- You are craving a certain kind of sex or frequency of sex that your partner has hesitations or limitations around, and you've been struggling to find compromises.
- You mostly avoid communicating about your desires because you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings or "rock the boat."
- You feel guilty or ashamed about what you want in the bedroom (maybe it seems "too kinky" or you feel "too needy") and you're tired of feeling like there is something wrong with you.
- You don't want resentment to build up, but you just don't know how to bridge the gap between what you want and what your partner is available for.
If so, you've come to the right place.
Imagine what it will feel like when...
...but you don't know how to get there.
"Talking about our sex life is like walking through a minefield."
"I feel ashamed and guilty about what I want."
"I'm not even sure what I want."
"How could we ever heal our sex life? We want such different things."
"Something must be wrong with our relationship. It should be easier than this."
"This program is life-changing...one of the best investments we've ever made. Role-playing communication gave us new confidence in talking about our desires and boundaries. Our relationship has gotten closer, sexier, more intimate and more trusting. We couldn't have done it without Janel. Every couple struggling with different sexual needs should do this.
-Kyle F. & Lara H.
Phase 1: The Roots of Desire
You may think desire is just a spectrum from “low” to “high.” But it’s so much more than that!
Co-creating win-win bedroom agreements requires understanding the psychology of desire. This empowers you to let go of shame about how you relate to desire and have more empathy for how your partner experiences eroticism.
- Your and partner's Core Erotic Themes (how you want to feel emotionally during an erotic encounter).
- Your Desire Archetypes™️ and why you desire what you do.
- How each of you experiences arousal (there are 3 kinds).
- New ways to create mutually-satisfying erotic experiences at the intersection of what you both want.
Phase 2: Restoring Intimacy
You may have been told that the way you experience sexuality, from low libido to kinky desires, is due to a medical or psychological "dysfunction." 🙄
There's way too much BS in the way of a satisfying sex life in longterm relationships that you'll overcome in this program:
- Social myths and stigmas that cause sexual shame.
- Disconnection from your body due to stress or trauma.
- Emotional disconnection from your partner.
- Lack of physical attunement from your partner.
- Unrealistic and/or unspoken expectations.
- Lack of confidence with the communication of desire and boundaries.
In Part 2 of my Desire by Design Framework, you will restore your connection to yourself and to your partner and heal any blockages in the way of desire.
Phase 3: Creative Exploration
Rediscover how the erotic can be a source of fun and connection, not a source of pressure and stress.
Experience powerful exercises to help both you come alive:
- Practice ways of connecting that will help you feel more confident with four types of Core Erotic Themes: Spiritual, Romantic, Passionate & Power Play—even the ones you don't naturally gravitate towards.
- Take a deep dive into what your Desire Archetypes™ crave in bed and how your Archetypes can play together (even if you have very different ones).
- Explore creative new ways to navigate your sexual differences and meet both of your needs in the bedroom.
Graduate with renewed emotional & physical intimacy and a roadmap to keep it thriving.
"Open with Ease" Course
Is non-monogamy one of the desires that you or your partner have? Does a threesome fantasy keep coming up for one or both of you? This optional course will help you decide if opening up is right for your relationship and how to do it in a safe, drama-free way, step-by-step.
Sexy Communication Workshop
Learn how to communicate what you want in the heat of the moment without worrying that you're hurting your partner's feelings and practice asking your partner to help you figure out what you want during an erotic encounter if you're not sure.
How to De-Escalate When Triggered
It's easy to get triggered around a subject as intimate, vulnerable and personal as sex. In this mini-course, you'll learn and practice my EFFORT Method for healthy communication when you or your partner have an activated nervous system.
Transform your intimate life through powerful experiential exercises.
Somatic exercises have been clinically shown to be more transformative for sex & relationships than left-brain learning alone. That's why this program is filled with clothes-on and optional clothes-off practices that you'll enjoy in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
Experiential exercises include:
- Partner touch & non-verbal connection exercises
- Communication role plays
- Self-touch exercises
You'll also get support & accountability:
Virtual couples' sessions at program milestones and around vulnerable topics.
1:1 texting and audio support each week with your success coach to keep you on track.
Monthly live workshops, demonstrations and virtual couples retreats.
Pre-recorded coursework + Personalized support = RESULTS
Virtual programs are most effective when you have access to live coaches to answer your questions and hold you accountable to reach your goal. This program has everything you need to achieve the intimacy you want.
What They're Saying
"This program is fantastic. My wife and I had major breakthroughs with it. It opened our minds and helped us heal together.
When we realized that her Desire Archetype is Sensate, I offered to give her a long, slow, sensual massage and used the Healing Language for her Archetype.
It ended up being the first time we had sex in over 6 years! I couldn't believe it. "
"After just the first two modules, my husband and I were able to make serious breakthroughs and see each other in a whole new light.
Your teaching and exercises are more effective, profound and intimate than going to a marriage counselor for 9 months post-marriage and a couple times pre-marriage.
Thank you, Janel. Seriously."
"Being able to access new language and tools to talk about our sex life, desires and fears in our relationship has helped us create space where before there was a wall of frustration and stress that felt completely insurmountable.
We now better understand what’s happening for each other. Having some relief from the ways we’ve been “stuck” provides much-needed hope about what's possible for us moving forward."
-Chelsea & Sophie T.
You can do this program from anywhere in the world, on your schedule.
You can complete the course material from the comfort of your couch or kitchen table, as long as you have an internet connection! This program is completely digital, so you can access it from any device through our private course portal.
What's the time commitment?
You'll have 12 months of access, so you can go at your own pace and do the pre-recorded lessons on your own schedule. We recommend setting aside about an hour and a half each week for this program. Think of it as a weekly date with your partner!
Don't let frustration and resentment keep building.
Healing your sex life NOW will empower you to:
- Overcome the stress of disconnection.
- Finally enjoy emotional & physical intimacy again with your partner.
- Save tens of thousands of dollars in therapy that you're not even sure will work when your lack of intimacy has created bigger problems in your relationship down the line.
- Gain confidence, emotional intelligence and communication skills that will improve every aspect of your life, not just your relationship.
Stop spending life without the intimacy you long for.
Meet Your Coach
Hi! I'm Janel, a certified sex & relationship coach who is obsessed with Relationship Design—the concept that you can design your intimate relationships around your desires instead of suppressing your needs and trying to fit into an outdated mold of how love & sex are "supposed to" be.
I created Desire by Design because of my own intimate struggles.
Mismatched desires has been an obstacle in almost every relationship I've ever been in. It's hard to find a partner with the exact same sexual needs. Sometimes I want more sex or more of a certain kind of sex than my partner does, and sometimes I am the less desirous and more hesitant partner. As a result, I intimately understand the frustration of both sides.
I started noticing that many of my friends AND clients are struggling with this issue in their relationships, so I knew it was time to help as many people as possible reconnect to desire, to their partners, and to themselves.
I am confident that this journey will heal your sexual connection.
I have seen that, with the right guidance, couples with very different sexual needs can create a win-win sex life.
I'm honored to guide you on your journey to create the thriving intimacy you crave!
How do I know if this program is for me?
Desire by Design is for you if:
- You're part of committed couple or partner unit that's embarking on this journey together.
- You're ready to invest time and energy to reclaim desire, get closer and have better sex.
- You're ready to be vulnerable and push yourself out of your comfort zone (in a healthy way).
- You strive to be open-minded and non-judgmental about all the different ways people experience sexuality and desire.
This program is NOT for you if:
- You're judgmental about certain things when it comes to sex, even when consensual, and you're not willing to face your sexual shame.
- You're not willing to be vulnerable and face a healthy amount of discomfort for the sake of growth.
- You don't value emotional intelligence & communication skills.
- You don't support LGBTQIA+ rights.
- You don't believe Black Lives Matter.
What's the investment?
All accepted applicants will be granted limited-time access to our free private training, "3 Steps to Creating a Win-Win Sex Life with my Desire Archetypes™️ Methodology," which is an hour-and-a-half workshop chalk-full of info and tools for getting your intimacy back on track.
If after watching the training and talking with us 1:1 you decide that our yearlong program is the right fit for you and your partner, the investment is comparable to the cost of two therapy session a month for the personalized weekly support, effective curriculum, and powerful partner practices you need to heal your sexual misalignment.
Applying for Desire by Design and watching our free private training does not obligate you to join our 12-month program. We want to help you decide if it's the right next step for your relationship.
"Janel skillfully and lovingly creates one of the most intimate experiences you will ever engage in. You will feel seen, held and accepted for who you are in this program.
She is the only coach I know whose expertise is designing relationships around desire. She will not only provide helpful feedback, but will partner with you on your journey to create the connection you are seeking.
Choose Desire by Design. You will not be disappointed.
MA Integrative Health & Healing, Sex & Relationship Coach
It's time to choose desire.
You can either keep feeling disconnected and frustrated about your sexual misalignment while looking for answers in books, blogposts and private sessions with talk therapists who may not even specialize in desire...
You can take a big step towards the sex life you crave by applying for Desire by Design today.
Claim the tools you need to design the intimate relationship you really want.
Start your sexual healing journey.
Apply for Desire by Design
Please be detailed in your responses. If we feel that our program would be a good fit for you, we'll send you our private 1.5-hour workshop on the 3 steps you need to take to create a win-win intimate life, which you can watch alone and/or with your partner. Applying does not obligate you to enroll in our yearlong program if it doesn't feel like a "yes" after watching our training and talking to us. Talk to you soon!
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